Accepting Change
By Lisa Bode

Dear Sisters,
     Sometimes when I write to you, it’s from The King’s Daughter office in our country home just outside the small town of Hamilton. The lace curtains in the office open to our front porch, and beyond I can see the lawn and the trees.
     Sometimes when I need to think in a quiet place, which our home office is not J, I take the laptop up to my bedroom. Lana and I share a room, and she is kind enough to defer her love of classical music to my love of silence. But I know I can’t demand extended periods of silence when she’d much rather be listening to Beethoven or Chopin or other composers whose names I don’t know how to spell. So sometimes I take a little green floppy disc and head out to the small town library in Purcellville, where I find a quiet computer room.
     Today is unlike any of those times. I write to you from a little round table at Starbucks on Pennsylvania Avenue. Yes, in Washington, D.C. The White House is just a few blocks away. The smell of coffee and the hum of conversation permeates the air. Outside the window, rain falls on brick sidewalks and taxis hurtle by.
     This very different atmosphere reflects the monumental changes that God has brought into our lives these past few months. Change hurts. It’s painful to lose the old, scary to face the new. I’d rather linger in my comfort zone and hang onto what always was – never lose, never change, never grow. It’s sad for all of us to realize that after ten years of publication, this is the last hard copy magazine issue of The King’s Daughter that my family will publish and that you will receive.
     But I look at the changes of my life and I see the fingerprints of God, signs of His sovereignty at work. My life is like a book in His hands. He has perfectly written every previous page. He has already written the pages of the future, and I will discover them one day at a time. His plan is perfect. He has arranged every detail. My job is to surrender to Him and follow.
     When you and I say “yes” to God, we don’t know what we’re saying yes to. We know that if we believe in Jesus, He will ultimately bring us to heaven. But we don’t know by which path He will take us, and what situations and sufferings we may encounter here on earth.
     We don’t know what we’re saying yes to, but we do know Who we’re saying yes to. We’re saying yes to Jesus who loved us enough to die on the cross.
     “…He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him.” – Ephesians 1:4.
     “For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son….” – Romans 8:29.
     “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.” – Ephesians 2:10.
     So can you say this with me?
     I accept the past. I believe that God knows about everything that happened, and that every previous circumstance was allowed by God for my good. He is using the events and even the pain of the past to mold me to His image in ways I may not understand, ways much higher than mine.
     I accept the present, the work God has given me to do today, the call upon my life this very moment. I believe that God will enable and equip me to do His will, that as my days my strength will be in measure.
     I accept the future. I accept the person God will make me into, and I accept the plan He has for molding me. I embrace whatever good works He has prepared for me to do. And I believe that He will take me to heaven when I die because He has chosen me and given me the grace to believe in Him.
     We look at Jesus on the cross and we know we can trust Him. So whatever His plan may be, we say yes. ©

Finding Peace
By Lana Bode

     Spring. This is how it should be. Sun shining, breeze blowing, birds singing. I look out the window at the blooming trees in our front lawn. What could be better J?
     If only spring could reach past green grass and budding trees, past sunshine and birdsongs, and reach into our hearts and relationships and make them cheery as well! Too bad J!
     I have often pondered the problem of conflicts – why don’t people get along? Why don’t I get along? There are always stories of nations at war. Dig deeper, and every person has their own “war” with their family members, or people they “just don’t like.” Why can’t we have peace in our lives?
     Well, the answer, of course, is that we can. We can get along. We can show love. We can have peace. But it does take a little effort J – and too often we don’t want to give what it takes.
     We hear convicting sermons, attend convicting seminars, battle our convicting conscience, and end up making a nice-sounding resolution (I will do better!). The resolution lasts – well – about ten minutes J.
     At least, that’s how it was for me. I’m the sort of person who needs specific direction (the top ten ways to..., three steps toward..., you get the idea J). General ideas, broad themes, just didn’t work for me. (Have peace – well, sure, but how?)
     Finally, God gave me an answer. He showed me how to have peace. And He even gave me specific direction J! The answer came through a Bible passage in Philippians 4:4-9.
     Paul’s letter to the Philippians is full of commendation, approval and encouragement. But he also needed to correct a problem. The Philippians, just like so many of us, didn’t have peace. There were conflicts and resentment. (See Philippians 4:2-3.)
     Paul gave them specific direction on how to live in harmony. These are four steps toward peace that I found last fall.

1. “Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!” Who truly rejoices during a conflict? How can true joy exist without peace? If we would only follow God’s command to rejoice, we would simply be unable to argue with others. We would be too happy J.

2. “Let your gentleness be known to all men.” Who is gentle during a conflict? Along with typical disagreements come harsh words and raised voices. This ought not to be! It is fine to work out a problem peaceably – it can be done J! But if gentleness is gone, conflict rules.

3. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”  Are we anxious during conflicts? Do cares and burdens weigh us down? We need to take them to the Lord! He is in control of all circumstances and will work everything out for our good. (See Romans 8:28.)  If we will only cast our cares upon Him, He will give us His rest and send His peace into our hearts. Take a moment to stop and pray!

4. “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these things.”  Many conflicts are begun by wrong thoughts. Look back, just over today, and examine your thought life. Was every single thought in line with the checklist in the above verse? I don’t think anyone could ever honestly say “yes.”  If our thoughts were always kind and right, we could hardly help but have peace! Proper thoughts help avoid misunderstandings, false judgments, and exaggerations.

     Follow this direction, and what will happen? See verse 9: “The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.”
     You may be asking, Is this easy? No. Will I grow weary and desire to give up? Yes. But it is worth it. Peace is worth the effort, and God will help you, as He has promised. ©

Band-Aids
By Mrs. Misty Marr

     My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a loud buzzing noise. “Who could it be this time?” I muttered as I jumped up to answer the door. I was supposed to be working on my school, but the Mexican heat made it too hard to concentrate. I opened the door and was startled to see seven-year-old Juan Antonio standing there with blood running down his face.
     Juan Antonio was one of the children that came to our weekly Bible classes. Most of the children that attended were poor and many of them uncared for. Since some of them couldn’t afford to go to school, they ran around in the streets all day. Juan Antonio was no exception.
     “Misty, can you give me a Band-Aid?” Juan Antonio asked nonchalantly. Quickly I gathered my normal supplies and headed outside. As I began to wipe away the blood and dirt from his head, I realized that the gash wasn’t as bad as it had first appeared.
     As I was cleaning Juan Antonio’s wound, I began to question him. He had gotten into a fight with several guys about ten years his senior. Because of his unfair disadvantage, Juan Antonio began throwing rocks. The rocks, however, were soon returned. One of the rocks struck true, signaling the end of the fight.
     After I finished bandaging his head, Juan Antonio began to show me all of his other cuts and bruises. We sang a few songs together and then I taught him a Bible verse as I continued to wash and put Band-Aids on the remaining wounds.
     “Misty,” Juan Antonio said, “I have one more sore.” He pulled off his shoe, which was several sizes too small. On the back of his heel was a large blister that was open and full of dirt. This tough little boy had tears in his eyes as I cleaned out the blister.
     “It doesn’t hurt a bit,” Juan Antonio boasted, trying to be macho. I finally managed to get all of the dirt out. I put medicine on it, bandaged it, and put his shoe back on. “Look, Misty!” he yelled as he ran in circles around me. “I can run now, and it doesn’t even hurt!”
     God had called my family to move to Mexico about two years earlier. Upon moving into a particularly poor and rough neighborhood, we saw great need all around us. We began to reach out to our neighbors. We soon realized that while most of the adults were closed to us, the children made a captive audience.
     Children began coming to our house up to twenty times a day. Sometimes they wanted something to eat. Other times they wanted a glass of water. Sometimes they just wanted to talk. At times I would get tired of their coming to my door so often and I just wanted to send them away. Then I would remember Matthew 25:40: “Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” I realized that I needed to treat the children that came to my door the same as I would treat the Lord.
     Later that same day I was leaning on our metal gate telling an animated story to a group of children. The children sat on the ground taking in every word as I enthusiastically told them about a boy who disobeyed his father and had to face difficult consequences.
     Suddenly Juan Antonio ran up. Wanting to be in the middle of everything, he broke through the circle of children and leaned hard on the gate. The gate swung open, pinching hard the tender flesh of my upper arm. I jumped in surprise and pain.
     One of the girls listening to the story began screaming at Juan Antonio. “You hurt Misty. We don’t want you here. You always mess everything up.”
     With tears of pain running down my face, I told Juan Antonio that it was okay. I knew he didn’t mean to hurt me. I also told him that I wanted him to stay. Juan Antonio was so upset that he had hurt me that he began to run away. As he ran, he tore off every Band-Aid that I had given him that very morning.
     As I watched him go, my heart sank. I felt bad that Juan Antonio would feel as though he didn’t deserve to have the Band-Aids because he had hurt me. Didn’t he know that I loved him enough to help him even when he didn’t deserve it?
     As I thought about it, I realized that he was like many Christians. We may think that Juan Antonio was silly to reject the love that I had given to him, by taking off the Band-Aids that were there to help him.
     Before we judge him, however, we should examine our own lives. Do we ever refuse the good things that God has given us? God gives us many blessings. We are so happy about the changes He has made in our lives that we want to share His goodness with everybody.
     But then we sin. We are so horrified that we could hurt the One who has done so much for us. We then begin to reject His blessings. We stop reading the Bible and praying. Don’t we know that God loved us so much that He gave His Son to die in our place? We didn’t deserve it. God willingly sacrificed His only begotten Son for the sake of a sinful world.
     God loves us so much that no matter what we do against Him, He still wants to help us. He doesn’t want us to reject that love, but rather embrace it with gratefulness. One of the biggest gifts of love that He has to offer is the gift of forgiveness. No matter what we have done, His grace is sufficient to cover it. ©

A Matter of Life and Death
By Jennifer Schlaudt

     You have in your possession the most lethal force man’s imagination can contrive. It is a scourge, a world of iniquity, a sharp sword, an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
     Just what is this force? None other than the tongue. Each of us carries one of these little weapons, though some brandish it more boldly than others. To every one of us, then, has been committed a solemn charge.
     “Death and life are in the power of the tongue,” stresses Proverbs 18:21. We find in the tongue the power for the greatest evil and also the greatest good. We can choose to restrain the malicious inclinations of our tongues and speak instead words of life that soothe, heal, and build. Or we can choose to thrust aside enriching words and spew out words of death that scorch, pierce, and demolish.
     The issue is crucial. If we claim to love God but cannot bridle our tongues, He brands our religion “worthless” (James 1:26). Join me then on a quest to discover further insights in God’s Word about the tongue. After all, this is a matter of life or death.
     In one way or another, most of us have witnessed the destructive properties of a razor-blade. Handled carelessly or with brutal expertise, it can inflict terrible pain, disfiguration, or even death. “Your tongue devises destruction,” writes David, “like a sharp razor, working deceitfully” (Ps. 52:2). A deceptive tongue has as much deadly potential as any freshly sharpened tool. No wonder God hates lying! Deceit is contrary to His very nature. Among the seven things God abhors, a lying tongue is mentioned twice (Prov. 6:16-19).
     Girls, refuse to promote death, and resolve instead to bring life with your words. “Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit” (Ps. 34:13). For “the tongue of the wise promotes health” (Prov. 12:18). Lying is a gesture of hatred (Prov. 26:28). God’s children must embrace the opposite, “speaking the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15).
     Steep yourself in impeccable honesty. Decline to indulge in even slight alteration of the truth, such as exaggeration or sinfully motivated understatement. As tempting as it is for some of us who are more talkative to stretch the facts for a more sensational effect, we must realize that any departure from the truth is a deception. Ask the Holy Spirit to convict you of even small dishonesties and to help you break such harmful habits.
     In addition to confining our words to the realm of truth, we must also proclaim God’s words of truth to the world. So many people around us are chained in darkness, and the entrance of His Words brings light (Ps. 119:130). Sharing the Gospel of Jesus proclaims liberty to the captives (Is. 61:1), because the truth sets us free from sin’s shackles (John 8:32)! Like the disciples, we, too, are commanded to preach the good news. Our tongues can bring the message of eternal life to dying souls all over the world!
     Those of us who strengthen our tongues through regular exercise J have probably all experienced the acute urge to exalt ourselves with our words. Impressing our friend with a witty come-back to her question, silencing a troublesome sibling with a crushing retort, or even dominating the dinner table conversation is often our natural inclination. We think we make ourselves look smarter and better by putting others down.
     Yet this urge is the voice of pride within us. “In the mouth of a fool is a rod of pride,” God says (Prov. 14:3), and we know that “pride goes before destruction” (Prov. 16:18). Wielding our arrogance in our speech foolishly invites destruction and conflict.  According to the Proverbs, “He who is of a proud heart stirs up strife,” (Prov. 28:25) and, “As charcoal is to burning coals…so is a contentious man to kindle strife” (Prov. 26:21).
     Applying our tongues to express our conceit is as dangerous as feeding a forest fire. The attitudes behind our words stir the hearers to resentment, and arguments inevitably follow. Paul warns "...not to strive [or battle] about words to no profit, to the ruin of the hearers" (2 Tim. 2:14).  In contrast, “the wisdom that is from above is… peaceable, gentle, willing to yield…The fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace” (Jam. 3:17-18). Here is life through the tongue – humbly avoiding strife and promoting peace.
     Instead of exalting ourselves with our tongues, the Bible urges us to magnify the Lord. “Let my mouth be filled with Your praise and with Your glory all the day… I will hope continually and will praise You yet more and more…and to this day I declare Your wondrous works” (Ps. 71:8, 14, 17).
     “Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips…” (Heb. 13:15). Proclaiming God’s praise sets our focus on His greatness and restores a proper perspective of ourselves.
     Do you know what adulation is? It is excessive or insincere praise and attention offered by one person to another – flattery. The motive for flattery is the personal gain of the flatterer – advancing a selfish agenda in some way. “A man who flatters his neighbor,” Proverbs 29:5 states, “spreads a net for his feet.”  “Buttering someone up,” as the saying goes, is laying an ambush in their path, baiting a snare, and can cause them to stumble.
     This leads us to another deadly sin – gossip. Gossip is spreading personal information about others. Passing along information about someone else to make a sensation is a recipe for poison! We are commanded to speak the truth in love with our tongues and to build up our sisters in Christ. Participating in gossip, then, is forbidden to daughters of the King. “The words of a talebearer are like tasty trifles; they go down into the inmost body.” (Prov. 18:8). Gossip can also lead to false rumors. Repeating gossip or rumor to someone else releases that poison into her mind.
     Closely related to gossip is slander. Slander is an untrue statement or charge made against a person to damage their reputation. It goes hand-in-hand with backbiting, saying spiteful things about someone behind his or her back. God emphasizes that “whoever spreads slander is a fool” (Prov. 10:18).
     Sisters, “Let all…evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice” (Eph. 4:31). Choose to arm your tongues with the law of kindness, as did the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 (vs. 26).
     Purpose to edify others with your words and overcome evil with good. “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification, according to the need of the moment, that it might minister grace to those who hear” (Eph. 4:29). “Encourage one another and build up one another” (1 Thess. 5:11), and “Exhort one another daily” (Heb. 3:13).
     The potential for life-giving encouragement from our tongues is marvelous. Let’s look for opportunities to exercise it! Praising our brothers, sisters, parents, coworkers, and friends for a job well-done or a Christ-like spirit is such a simple thing. Yet we so often neglect to do it, arguing busyness or inconvenience. Sensing that someone is having a hard day and sharing a word of encouragement can impact their life far more than we realize!  Speak out when praise or encouragement is needed! And shun flattery, gossip, and slander. It’s a matter of life or death.
     Perhaps you know someone who seems to love the sound of her own voice. Or perhaps you are someone who likes to express yourself frequently. It is certainly good to be personable, free to discuss a wide range of topics. But the conversations shaped by our tongues should be more than friendly and engaging. They should be profitable, not a stream of words with no real purpose. Jesus says that “for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.” (Matt. 12:36). Wow. This is no laughing matter. Some of my silly girlish whispers or cranky snarls do not seem so harmless anymore.
     It is not enough to refrain from speaking evil with our tongues; we must also commit to make every word count for the Lord and to avoid pointless chattering. When we purpose to speak truth instead of lies, God’s praise instead of our praise, edification instead of flattery and gossip, then we are speaking profitable things. Truth is profitable; God’s praise is profitable; edification is profitable – inexpressibly so!
     Replace idle words with timely words. A word spoken at the right time is precious, “like apples of gold in settings of silver.” (Prov. 25:11). “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” (Prov. 16:24).
     A discreet tongue brings life and prosperity – direct contrasts to death and destruction! Weigh your words carefully. Before you speak, ask yourself, “Is this needful? Is it helpful? Is it cheerful and kind?” If the answer is no, bite your tongue! Ask the Lord to give you discretion, a sense of when to say something and when to say nothing. Ask Him to use your words to bring life to the hearers and glory to His Name.
     If your tongue is your weakness, always breaking loose and wreaking havoc, pray the prayer of David in Psalm 141:3: “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.” Our gracious God has promised, “The Lord is near to all who call upon Him… He also will hear their cry and save them” (Ps. 145:18, 19). He stands ready to strengthen you “with might through His Spirit in the inner man” (Eph. 3:16) – you need only ask!
     “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.” – Psalm 19:14. ©

Why Did I Say That?
By Lisa Bode

     Why did I say that? A friend and I were chatting, and suddenly I opened my mouth and out came a stinging critical comment. Hours later I agonized. How could I have been so insensitive? Where did that rude sentiment come from? I’d never intended to come across that way.
     Have you ever felt the same way, wishing you could press rewind on life and undo an impulsive statement? Ridiculing your sister amidst the tension of making lunch, repeating an off-color joke in a fun conversation with friends, wounding your mother with an angry accusation during a disagreement. Where do those words come from? We didn’t intend them, didn’t plan them, didn’t want them, but in the heat of the moment we opened our mouths and – out they came.
     Jesus gives us an interesting insight in Matthew 12:34: “…For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart.” And a few chapters later He repeats Himself: “But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man.” – Matthew 15:18.
     Where do those impulsive statements, those words so quickly regretted, where do they come from? They don’t come from nowhere. They come from the heart. The words we never meant to say spring directly from our thoughts.
     That’s why I criticized my friend so harshly. I’d spent the previous week dwelling on critical thought – comparing myself with others, figuring that I was more spiritual, rejecting them and their activities and ideas. I didn’t intend to think these thoughts, and I certainly didn’t intend to speak them as words. And yet I allowed them to fester in my mind. I particularly remember one instance when I drove through the small town of Hamilton, letting my mind wander down a long list of critical thoughts all the way home. No wonder, when I found myself in a friendly conversation, did those thoughts suddenly take the form of words. They were just waiting for an opportunity to express themselves.
     Our thoughts define our personality. Our thoughts determine our outlook on life. Our thoughts direct our words and actions. We are what we think!
     Dear sisters, trying to control the tongue is a wise effort. All of us should pay careful attention to the words we say, and all of us should work to avoid evil and to speak what is right. But unless we also learn to control our thoughts, unless we first shine the light of God’s Truth on the heart, any attempt to control the tongue will be vain hypocrisy. It’s like painting a dying plant green, when what it really needs is water.
     We must get to the root of the problem. The true solution to wrong words is not silence, or a superhuman effort to just be nice. The root of wrong words is simply this: wrong thoughts. The solution to the problem is then obvious: right thoughts.
     It’s easy to ignore the thought life. We want to please people, and we often judge our righteousness by how accepted and affirmed we are. People notice, and praise or criticize, our words and actions. God is different. “…God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” – 1 Samuel 16:7.
     Thoughts do not fall outside the realm of right and wrong. Jesus made that clear in the Sermon on the Mount. The act of murder is sin. But the one who thinks a murderous thought is equally guilty. God sees and judges our innermost thoughts. “For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” – Hebrews 4:12.
     If you are like me, that’s a discouraging realization! Words and actions are difficult enough to control. But controlling my thought life? Thoughts tend to run away from me, like a million ants in a million directions, some right, some wrong. I’m innocently driving to the store or taking a shower, cleaning the kitchen or trying to fall asleep at night, and my thought life starts up. It’s easiest to just lie victim, to let my thoughts take over and run wherever they please. Down into the dregs of impurity, through the valleys of bitterness and rejection, wandering through criticism and comparison, worry and fear. I’m not doing or saying anything wrong. Is this still wrong?
     Yes, it is still wrong. And these thoughts, if allowed to run free in my mind, will eventually express themselves in my words and actions. These thoughts will drain my joy and destroy my perspective.
     God lays before us a directive in His Word. “We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ….” – 2 Corinthians 10:5.
     Controlling your thought life is difficult. But it is not impossible! God never fails to enable us to obey His commands, which means in this case that He will give, that He in fact has given to you and me the grace we need to control our thoughts, and not be controlled by them. We must take every thought, these millions of scurrying ants, captive, and bring them under the light of His Truth.
     The thoughts that are wrong we must reject. In a practical sense, this means that as I’m driving home through Hamilton, I recognize my critical thoughts as sin. I repent before God. And I immediately direct my thoughts in a right direction.
     What is a right direction? What should you and I think about – on the road, in the shower, doing dishes, falling asleep?
     Focus your thoughts on Jesus Christ and on His character. Let your mind dwell on His work in your life, and His Truth proclaimed in His Word.
     I’m not talking about some “super-spiritual” exercise like reciting Scripture all day long to try to earn extra brownie points with God. I’m talking about the special delight of focusing my thoughts on what is true and lovely. Instead of thinking on bitterness and criticism while I comb my hair, I try to be thinking things like:
     “God chose me before the foundation of the world. He loves me with an everlasting love. He will never leave me nor forsake me. This specific situation He’s working out for my good. He has prepared good works for me to do today. What might they be? How should I do them? Who can I love today?”
     Do these thoughts come naturally? No. I must actively choose to think them.
     And where do these thoughts originate? The Word of God. I must spend time daily reading and studying His Word, memorizing it as I am able, immersing my mind in His Truth, and thereby recognizing which thoughts are lies.
     The devil is always looking for a foothold in our thoughts. We are sinful by nature, and temptation continues. Daily the struggle against wrong thoughts repeats itself. But it must be a struggle – we must not give in!
     Wrong thoughts rejected. Right thoughts accepted. And the next step will flow naturally. We will open our mouths to speak, in the heat of the moment, at the peak of a conversation, and our words will reflect where our minds have been. In the Word of God. ©

Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends
By Sarah and Grace Mally

     In August 1999, I traveled to Cedar Rapids, Iowa, to help lead a children’s seminar. It was there I met the Mally family and was instantly impressed by their obvious love for God and for each other. I watched all week as they served together in ministry and set an example for all of us regarding quality family relationships.
     Sarah, Stephen, and Grace Mally have since written and published a book entitled Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends. This is a fun-to-read, realistic treatment of an important topic, and would be an asset to any family’s library. Much of this article is excerpted from their book.
     You can contact the Mallys via their website, www.brothersandsisters.net. – Lisa

Sarah (24):
     I was an only child until I was six years old; I really wanted a brother or sister. Every day I would pray that God would give us a new baby. I assumed that once I had a brother or sister we would get along perfectly. It never crossed my mind that we might fight; I was sure that we would be best friends. But then one day God answered my prayer – I was thrilled to have a brother (and soon after a sister). It didn’t take me long to learn of their amazing talents: they messed up my stuff, bothered me constantly, and displayed unbelievable amounts of energy. I soon learned that although brothers and sisters really are a blessing, they often come in disguised packages.
     A brother and sister were traveling in the back of a small station wagon on their way to Florida. The girl was nine years old and the boy was three. About five minutes down the road the arguing began. From the backseat their parents heard continually, “Don’t poke me.”
     “Gimme my thtuffed animal back!”
     “Mom, he keeps bothering me!” The two children were crowded, uncomfortable, and easily annoyed. Finally the two of them made an agreement.
     “This half of the car is mine and this half is yours,” they decided.
     “There is an invisible line down the middle.”
     “Now don’t you touch my side,” said the girl.
     “K an dif ith my thide. Thtay off!” came back the reply.
     Things were peaceful until the little boy “accidentally” crossed his foot into enemy territory. “Mom, he touched my side!” was promptly heard and the debate continued – all the way to Florida. I was this little girl and my brother, Stephen, was this little boy.
     Do not be surprised if you have struggles with your brothers and sisters. It is a common problem for almost all families. However, common does not mean acceptable. My brother, sister, and I have been more and more concerned about this as we have noticed the way brothers and sisters often treat each other. Do not allow yourself to believe that it’s okay for your relationship to remain substandard or that it cannot be improved. Most families fail to realize what a powerful ministry team they can be when the brothers and sisters are best friends.
     Our Heavenly Father is personally concerned about His children; He is working in even the little details of our life to mold us to the image of His Son, Jesus Christ (Rom. 8:28-29). Our Father is more concerned about our inward character than our outward achievement, and He has a specialized program to train each one of us. This training program begins at home. God’s classes come in many unexpected ways, at unexpected times, in unexpected locations, and often through unexpected people – like brothers and sisters. If we cooperate with His training program, we will be ready and prepared for the exciting future He has in store for us.
     Several years ago I was annoyed with Grace because I felt that she was always asking me to do things for her. “Why can’t she do these things herself?” I wondered. “Why is she always asking me?” One particular afternoon when she asked me to go downstairs and get something I was especially annoyed. Outwardly I tried to just do what she wanted, but inwardly I was getting upset.
     Then I stopped and asked the Lord, “How should I respond to this? What are you trying to teach me?” The Lord reminded me that I wanted to work on being a servant. In fact, I remembered that I had recently prayed and asked the Lord to help me learn this. He showed me that He was giving me a perfect opportunity to practice being a servant. Then I realized, “Maybe the Lord is allowing Grace to ask me to do things in order to teach me character and help me become a servant.” I decided to delight in doing things for Grace.

Grace (14):
     As Sarah said, we have been concerned as we observe the way many siblings fight, argue, are irritated with each other, and miss out on the close relationship that God intends for them to have. Even in Christian families, most brothers and sisters don’t realize what a treasure and blessing their brothers and sisters can be!
     A friend of mine was trying to get rid of all the mice in his garage, so he set a trap. This trap was designed so that it didn’t kill the mice; instead the mice would go after the cheese and fall into a box – one mouse at a time. The day after he set the trap, he went to look and see how many mice he had caught. He was in for a surprise. There were many mice, but only one mouse was still alive. When all those mice were confined together in such small quarters, they would fight and fight until all but one was dead. This same thing happened every time our friend set his mousetrap.
     Brothers and sisters may feel as if they are confined together, just like these mice, and they can easily irritate each other. But God designed us to be in families for our good, so that brothers and sisters can support and strengthen each other – not cut each other down. I am hoping this article will help you so that your family will not be like mice in the box!
     I’m not saying that this is easy. One time, my grandma was in the car with a little girl. As the girl looked out the window, she saw a telephone pole and exclaimed, “I love Jesus so much, I think I could climb right up to the top of that telephone pole!”
     “Well, you know,” Grandma said, “I don’t think Jesus would want you to climb the telephone pole, but I know something Jesus does want you to do.”
     “What?” asked the little girl eagerly.
     My grandma answered, “I think He wants you to be nice to your brother.”
     “Oh, that’s too hard!” the little girl said.
     If you consider getting along with your family to be impossible, then your whole future is not off to a very good start! If you can’t get along with your family, how will you be able to maintain good relationships with others later on? It is true, as this little girl said, that being a good sister can be a very difficult thing to do. But the Lord is always faithful to help us and strengthen us. “It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect.” – Psalm 18:32.
     Do you ever have a day at your house when everything is going wrong? Maybe you have too much work to do, and you have a wrong attitude, and then you’re irritated with your brother, and then you say something disrespectful to your mom, and then you take it all out on your sister, and everything seems to be like one big, sticky mess?
     Well, one time my mom was exhausted. She had been very busy all day and had just arrived home. Now all she felt like doing was getting a snack and taking a relaxing, hot, luxurious bath. No work, nothing to worry about, just take a bath, and then go to bed. Does your mom ever feel like that?
     As she was fixing her snack, she went into the closet to get some honey. We have a lot of honey because we bake lots of bread. We keep it in a big, five-gallon bucket. Mom must have been overly tired because somehow the container slipped, and about 60 pounds of honey spilled on our closet floor. And, of course, it soon escaped from the closet into the next room. Now Mom was exhausted, tired, and stuck to the closet floor – and she really wanted a bath. What a sticky mess!
     On some days in our family it may seem like everything is just one big, sticky mess! Maybe we need a new perspective! Is it a disaster, or is it part of God’s training program? Is it just another family problem, or is it a new opportunity to learn? Sometimes God’s assignments seem huge, but the rewards are even bigger!
     On the other hand, many times God’s assignments seem small. Sometimes they seem so unimportant (like doing our brother’s chores) that we wonder why we have to “waste” our time doing these little things. It is easy for us to want to do the “big” things for God – the things everyone notices. But I think that God is more pleased when we are also willing to do the “little” things for Him. Right now, God has placed each of us in our families for the exact training we will need for our future life work. At home is the most important place for us to be kind, loving, patient, and willing to serve – even if we get no recognition.

Sarah:
     “Lord, I don’t want to settle for just average in my relationship with Stephen and Grace. I desire Your best. Is there anything I could do to strengthen our relationship, get closer to them, and encourage them?”
     This is what I prayed several years ago. Even though I felt like I had a good relationship with Stephen and Grace, I was wondering what I could do to make it even better. The idea that the Lord gave me at that time has been amazing to me; I am excited to share it with you. Because of the many benefits this has brought to our family, I would like to encourage you to do the same thing with your brothers and sisters.
     The idea was to start a group called ATTACH. This stands for Advancing Together Toward Accountability, Christ-likeness, and Harmony. The purpose of ATTACH is to provide a “one-on-one” time for brothers and sisters to encourage each other and learn from each other. I wrote a letter to Stephen and Grace inviting them each to a picnic to begin ATTACH with me. Both Stephen and Grace responded by saying they wanted to be a part of ATTACH. They came with excitement each to their own picnic, and I surprised them with an ATTACH journal which I had made. This journal was simply a medium-sized, decorated spiral notebook that was divided into the following tabs: Journal, Bible Study, Prayer, Accountability, and Projects.
     Those picnics were just the beginning! We have continued to have ATTACH meetings and have found them to be very special. I thought I was starting ATTACH to encourage them, but I was surprised how beneficial it was for me. ATTACH has given Stephen, Grace, and me many meaningful times together. It has also given us a perfect opportunity for many good conversations which we wouldn’t normally have in “everyday life.” If we miss out on the friendship and fellowship of our own brothers and sisters, we are missing out on one of the biggest blessings in life!
     There are many different ways to “attach” with your younger brothers and sisters, but here is how ATTACH has worked in our family. Every so often (once a month is a good goal) we go out for an ATTACH meeting. We try to do something special such as go out for breakfast or go on a picnic. We eat, talk, and go through each section of our notebook. It is helpful to have a notebook because it gives you something to do at the meeting and it produces good topics for conversation.
     After I started ATTACH, I was so excited about it that I wanted to encourage others to start ATTACH groups. Some of the girls I teach in my girls’ discipleship group have started ATTACH with their younger siblings, and they have come to me with very good reports. If you start ATTACH and would like to share a testimony about it, or if you need encouragement and would like to read about other groups, come to the ATTACH page of our website at www.brothersandsisters.net. If you would like to do something like ATTACH in your family but simply do not have the time, then I urge you to re-evaluate your priorities!

Grace:
     I was sitting in the car one day when Sarah said to me, “Grace, I have an idea. I think we should write a book to help brothers and sisters get along.”
     I thought, “Oh boy! Here we go – another one of Sarah’s big ideas!”
     But since everywhere I looked, families seemed to be having trouble, I knew this would be a worthwhile project. Stephen and I agreed to Sarah’s idea of writing a book, and as we started writing it, we began to be excited about how the Lord was fitting all the details together. It was a huge project and took us about a year from the time we started until the time we received a finished copy. But we all learned and grew a lot through the project, and we became more convinced than ever about the importance of this topic.
     Actually, we shouldn’t be surprised if it’s hard to get along with our brothers and sisters. Cain and Abel, the very first siblings that ever lived on this earth, didn’t get along. Their fighting probably started when they were little. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way. God has the answers we need. Our brothers and sisters are blessings and gifts from the Lord.
     I think the very hardest part for us, as we seek to have a good relationship with our brothers and sisters, is when we feel that we are wronged by our siblings. When anyone teases me, says something that is not very nice to me, or annoys me, my natural reaction, of course, is to become upset inside and say something back. Recently, one verse that has helped me a lot in this area is Romans 12:21: “Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.” Once I heard a speaker who said that when we react to a person who offends us and become bitter and upset at that person, we actually put ourselves into a prison. We allow this person to control our thoughts and emotions. (Now, instead of being happy, we are upset because of what this person did.)
     All of us are sometimes hurt or irritated by our siblings. This is an opportunity for us to overcome evil with good. When someone says something unkind, or does something I don’t like, I have been trying to forgive this person (Col. 3:13) before they ask, and then to reward the evil with good (say something nice back or do something nice for them and not hold it against them). I’ve been amazed at how much joy and freedom this brings every day. If we should overcome even what is evil with good, then of course we should also overcome little irritations and annoyances with good!
     Whether you are the youngest like me, the oldest, or somewhere in between, you have many ways you can invest in the lives of your family members. One thing I have also found to be beneficial in my relationship with Sarah and Stephen is to look for ways to do little, extra things for them. A few years ago, I wrote a note to Sarah on the computer. I had forgotten about it, but one time in a conversation she brought it up. She showed me how she had printed it out and saved it in an envelope and told me how much it encouraged her. I had no idea that it had meant so much to her. Most brothers and sisters do not realize how much of an impact they can have in their siblings’ lives!

Sarah:
     The benefits to the Kingdom of God will be tremendous if we are willing to seek His best in our relationships with our brothers and sisters. Few people realize how much influence they have on those around them. John 13:35 says, “By this shall all men know that ye are My disciples, if ye have love one to another.”
     Imagine the things you normally see in a grocery store. I often see parents yelling at their kids, unhappy faces, anger, teasing, selfishness, and brothers and sisters who are fighting and arguing. I remember one time sitting in our car, in a parking lot, waiting for Stephen. I was trying to study but was very distracted by the people in the van next to me; I could hear screaming and yelling. Needless to say, the family in that van was not getting along. They were literally screaming at each other in intense anger. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It is sad that this is what many people are used to and even expect. But think of what a contrast families will be who show the humility, kindness, and love that Jesus commands – especially if they show it even to their own brothers and sisters!
     Wherever you go, as a strong, functional family, you will be so rare that you will stand out brightly. Do not underestimate the importance of this testimony. By obeying the Lord in your relationship with your family, you will be lifting up a banner for the glory of the Lord Jesus Christ that will be seen by many.
     This is not just for your sake, not just for your siblings’ sake, not just for your parents’ sake – but for the glory of the Lord, for the defeat of the enemy, and for a dynamic testimony to the lives of everyone with whom you come in contact! Godly families are few and far between in this “crooked and perverse generation” (Phil. 2:15) in which brothers and sisters are looked upon as irritations, unsolvable problems, and blemishes in your life.
     As you purpose to get into the battle and serve the Lord, your brothers and sisters can be your best partners in the work. God intended for siblings to be close, so much so that He refers to Christians as brothers and sisters in Christ. Partners need to work together, to help each other, and to be united in heart and mind. We must not settle for anything less. The work is too important. There is too much at stake. ©

Grandparents: Showing You Care
By Kristen Guthrie

     There is so much to be gained from our grandparents if we only take a little time in our lives to discover it. There are so many precious stories and interesting things that can be found, if you show that you care enough to listen.
     If your grandparents are still living, you have a wonderful gift given to you, and you need to take hold of it, before it’s gone and you regret not having done it sooner. Have you ever felt when you’ve visited your grandparents that you don’t have much in common, and there really isn’t anything you can talk about? Asking them about what life was like when they were growing up is a wonderful opportunity to get to know your grandparents better, and find that you share so much more in common than you ever thought before!

Why?
     Psalm 16:6b: “...indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me.”
     It is important to your grandparents that their lives and stories are important to you. Yes, chances are that in the process of visiting, Grandpa will tell the story about the time he caught the winning bass in the county fishing tournament again, but if you’re respectfully patient, you’ll gain a host of other neat stories you’ve never even heard before. I know that as of a couple years ago, my family and I knew virtually nothing about my Papaw’s childhood. But one Thanksgiving when I started asking questions, he really opened up, and there were so many fun stories to hear! My Grandmother had always seemed to feel that her life wasn’t interesting enough for anyone to know about, but when she learned that it was important to me, she suddenly realized what a good life she’d really had.

How?
     Proverbs 18:15: “The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge.”
     As the family historian, you must take the opportunities when they’re available – while helping Grandma with the dishes, camping in the backyard, driving quite a distance together, or sitting in the living room on a rainy day. But don’t just listen – write the stories down! If it isn’t possible to write while they’re talking, be sure to do it as soon as you can, so that you don’t forget how the stories go. If they’re comfortable with it, you can even have a tape recorder running, so that you can copy it down a little bit at a time, later.

What?
     There are a lot of questions that you can ask, but remember to be polite and considerate. How did you get to school? What was your favorite subject? When did you become a Christian? What chores did you have growing up? What were your favorite things to do? How did your life change because of World War II? What is your favorite Christmas memory? But don’t ask them all at once! Do it a little bit at a time, and relish each minute.

When?
     Proverbs 10:7a: “The memory of the just is blessed...”
     Learning about your grandparents will be so special to you now, and priceless for your children later. And you’ll find that many of these same techniques can help you while visiting a nursing home or carrying on a conversation with an elderly church member. It’s all about showing that you care.
     I hope that this will help encourage some of you young ladies to strive to have a closer relationship with your grandparents and get to know them better, before it is too late, and you wish you could just have another opportunity.
     For those of you who have already lost your grandparents, you can take the time to “adopt” someone elderly and lonely in your church as a grandparent in the Lord. It will mean so much to them, and there’s so much that they can teach you. If you’ll only spend a little time, you might make a difference in someone’s life. ©

Making the Most
By Laura-Lee Aardsma

     Marissa thumped the last pot into the sink with a sigh. What had happened to Beth anyway? She was the one that was supposed to be rinsing. Somehow she had managed to leave the kitchen unnoticed.
     It’s easier to do it myself rather than to chase after her, Marissa thought irritably, running the cold water over the soapy dishes. Why couldn’t the little kids just do what they were told?
     Marissa wiped up the counters, and hung the dish towels on the pegs to dry. She sighed as she looked out the window. It was still raining, although it was beginning to slow down some. Heavy clouds hung over their house. It was dark and depressing outside, and Marissa’s mood wasn’t much better.
     Shrieks from the living room brought Marissa away from the window and out of the kitchen.
     “What is going on?” she demanded.
     “We’re playing calf roping,” Trevor exclaimed joyfully. “I’m the roper and Gab is the calf.” He pointed to his younger brother whose leg was caught in a tight noose. “And Beth and Noelle are the audience. I thought Lynn would make a good calf, but she screams when I rope her.”
     “I’m not sure that’s a good indoor game,” Marissa said, trying hard to be patient. “Why don’t you do something more quiet?”
     “Too boring,” Gab quipped.
     Marissa sighed and turned to go down the steps into the basement. If they wanted to play calf-roping, let them play. At least they were staying out of trouble.
     Marissa groaned at the sight of the mountainous pile of laundry that greeted her in the semi-darkness of the basement. Why did her mother have to do errands on a wet and rainy day, and leave her stuck with all the work and a house full of restless kids?
     Why am I stuck here in the first place? Marissa fumed as she sorted out a pile of light clothes and a pile of dark clothes. What’s the purpose, God? she cried out in her heart. I’m here doing the same thing every day for years, and no one even notices. Why can’t I be doing something that counts? Something that makes a real difference? I’m tired of preparing for the future; why can’t I get started living it?
     Her thoughts were more jumbled and confused than the clothes that were now swirling in the washer.
     Back upstairs Marissa was headed for the kitchen again when she noticed a trail of muddy footprints, starting at the back kitchen door, going through the dining room, and straight into the bathroom. Little puddles of muddy water mingled with one pair of little prints beside two pairs of bigger prints. Marissa groaned. She knew exactly what that meant. She hastened to the bathroom, wondering which of the children had dared to go outside while it was pouring rain.
     Trevor and Gab looked up guiltily as she burst through the door. Lynn was sitting on the counter, her little feet stuck in the sink, both boys attempting to remove the mud that seemed to have become a permanent part of Lynn and her clothes. Puddles of muddy water were forming on the floor under the boys, and a puddle was quickly growing on the counter and dripping off onto the floor. Muddy hand prints adorned the wash cloth drawer, the door, and several places on the wall. Marissa stood speechless, surveying the wreckage.
     “Me yuck,” Lynn said, looking very pleased with herself.
     “It wasn’t our fault,” Trevor hastened to explain. “Gab and I went to play roping outside since you said it wasn’t a good inside game, and Lynn followed us out, and went swimming in the biggest puddle she could find. We had to go in and rescue her.”
     “Yeah, we didn’t want her to get drowned,” Gab added.
     Marissa wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.
     “You shouldn’t have gone outside,” she said sternly, feeling extremely annoyed.
     “But – ” began Trevor.
     “But nothing.” Marissa didn’t let him finish. She sighed as she set to work cleaning up Lynn.
     After all three of the children were washed and in clean clothes, Marissa plunked them all down on the couch, giving them each a book to read.
     Armed with mop and bucket Marissa headed back into the bathroom. Her thoughts from earlier all came flooding back. What’s the point of going on like this? Why am I here continually being exasperated by these children?
     Marissa squeezed the dirty water from the mop down the drain of the bathtub, wishing she could rid herself of all the confusion she felt just as easily.
     Returning to the kitchen, Marissa glanced out the window, and saw the red flag of the mailbox was down. The mail had come!
     Excitedly she donned coat and boots and splashed out to the mailbox. She opened the small box, and pulled out the large stack of envelopes, magazines, and catalogs. Sticking them inside her coat, she scurried for the house through the drizzling rain. After removing her coat and boots, she hastened to look through the pile of mail, stopping with an exclamation of delight at the sight of a pale blue envelope addressed in a feminine hand to herself.
     Eagerly she tore open the envelope, and sat down at the table to enjoy a long letter from her pen-pal, Abigail, with whom she had been corresponding for several months. The letter began with bits and pieces of family news, and ended with several paragraphs that caught Marissa’s attention. She read, “I was interested to see from your last letter that you are struggling with some of the same things I have been over the last few weeks. May I share with you some of the answers I have found after much prayer and Bible study?
     “You seem to be struggling with contentment with the circumstances God has placed you in. The first thing that really helped me was to realize that God really has placed me here. He knows what He’s doing, and even though it often seems like He does things I don’t like, I try to remember that His ways are far above my own.
     “I had to ask myself, what is it that I truly desire? The reply that springs instantly to mind is: to follow God. Why is it then that I’m wishing for something new? God has placed me here; therefore I am following His will by being here; therefore I am doing what I truly desire.
     “I too have felt that I’ve learned all there is to learn from living at home, and itch to put it to good use. But I wonder, are laundry and dishes, children and cooking, all there really is to preparing for the future? Perhaps on the surface, but if one digs a little deeper it is far more complicated. We have much more difficult things to learn yet. Think of all the patience, gentleness, forgiveness, servant’s spirit, joyfulness, self sacrifice, and grace that goes into being a Godly woman. I realize that these qualities are woefully lacking in my life. How thankful I am for this time to learn!
     “We both have an opportunity to grow closer to the Lord and serve others, as well as prepare for the future, during this time.
     “Don’t lose heart. God knows what He is doing! Let us not spend our time trying to figure out why, or wishing for something that is not ours, but instead let’s make the most of the time we are given now!”
     Love in Him,
     Abigail
     “P.S. Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of the time, because the days are evil. – Ephesians 5:15-16.”

     Marissa set the letter down in a daze. She had no time to think on its contents, however, because Gab walked in just then.
     “Did you get a letter?” he asked without much interest.
     Marissa nodded.
     “From Abigail?”
     Marissa nodded again.
     “We’re bored of reading books now,” Gab said next.
     “What would you like to do instead?” Marissa asked.
     Gab tilted his head to one side and considered her question. “I think we ran out of ideas,” he said finally.
     “I’ll tell you what. You go get the blocks and I’ll go get Noelle and Beth and we’ll all build castles.”
     “Well,” Gab said slowly, “I will, only if you let us have a battle afterward and try and knock over each other’s castles.”
     “It’s a deal.”
     The rain continued to patter on the windows, and the wind brushed the tree branches against the side of the house, but something had changed inside. The house was filled with the delighted shrieks of laughter from the children as they played with their big sister.
     Marissa felt more at peace than she ever had before. The sun had broken in on the gloom and confusion. She had found the answers to her questions, and she meant to make the most of the time she was given from now on, no matter where she was. ©