|
|
When Your World Appears to Crumble:
Insights
After 9/11
By Lisa Bode
The morning was crisp and cool – the sun just beginning to glow over the horizon,
the dew sparkling cold on the grass. I’d slipped out to pick flowers before beginning a busy day of teaching. The date on my desk
calendar read Tuesday, September 11, 2001.
The flowers bloomed and climbed over my garden, each blossom an intricate design of untarnished
purity. My heart sang in the beauty of the morning and in the goodness of God to me. I embraced the calling of that day and looked
forward to living every moment of it. Life seemed, at that moment, to be perfect.
It had not always seemed that way to me. On this morning, as previous mornings, I faced difficulties,
challenges, unknowns, that had been sources of fear and worry. But I was beginning to learn the secret of peace, of coming to the
Lord with open hands, of knowing that the God who created the world will watch over and guide my life with the perfection and love
He has promised. That morning, nothing worried me.
My first class began at 9:15 a.m. We had not been working long before we heard the news. A jet had
just crashed into the World Trade Center in New York City. Within a few minutes we heard about the Pentagon as well. Though
concerned, I did not grasp at that moment the magnitude of the crisis. Thoughts of Bible prophecy flashed through my mind as we
paused for prayer. Then we continued on with class, for there seemed to be nothing else to do.
On the way home two hours later, we heard phrases repeated on the radio – phrases like, “Everything
is chaos. Everything is chaos. The government has shut down.” Someone else was saying that was what the terrorists would want us
to think, but it was not really the case. My mind was in a whirl of curiosity and shock.
We got home to find my dad’s car in the garage, and the family listening to the news. I began to
grasp at that moment just how big this really was. Yet two more classes were coming up, and I could think only to get through the
day, to keep going, to keep trusting.
That evening, after classes, I watched live as building number seven of the World Trade Center
collapsed. I had never seen anything like it – like a bar graph smoothly and quickly falling – except this was an actual building
crumbling before my eyes. I saw, played over and over again, what had happened during the morning’s writing class. As I sat, safe
and quiet, writing sentences, the plane sliced uninhibited into the building – a huge ball of fire erupted – and later the towers
that seemed to reach to the sky crumbled to the ground in a sea of dust and smoke.
I was shaken. I woke in the middle of the night and remembered the statement, “They could have hit
any building in Washington” – just over forty miles from my house. The next morning I could not seem to work. What was the use of
working, when years and years of work, and hundreds and hundreds of lives, had just been destroyed? My peace was shaken.
Stories of ruined lives and grieving families filled the news, along with grim predictions of a
future marked by more death and destruction. The world did not seem safe anymore. Everything had turned upside down since that
beautiful late summer morning, that moment of peace in my flower garden.
What is peace? Can we find it even now, even in this?
If the sum of my life was building a tower that reached to the sky – it could all be gone in an
instant, in a morning’s fire. If the sum of my life was enjoying myself, feeding myself, educating myself – it could all be gone
in an instant, had I been numbered with the thousands who died. How temporal are the buildings and the bodies of men.
In the horrible wreckage of lower Manhattan and the Pentagon, the only thing eternal are the souls
of men, those who lived and those who died, going to heaven or going to hell. In essence, the true destruction is not in the
crumbling of the World Trade Center or in the burning of the Pentagon, but in the rejecting of God’s salvation.
What are we living for? Dust we are, and to dust we will return. Will we let dust consume our lives?
Will we be shaken when the dust shakes? Or will we build our lives on a solid, eternal foundation, committing our souls to the
Lord and embracing His perfect will?
“Change and decay in all around I see; O Thou who changest not, abide with me.” – Henry F. Lyte.
I am reminded of the words of Habakkuk. When his world crumbled – “Yet I will rejoice in the
Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.” – Habakkuk 3:18. I see so many parallels between Habakkuk’s story and ours. He
grieved over the sin of Israel – and grieved more, realizing the destruction that Babylon would bring. He cried to the Lord, and
saw his need to simply trust, to rejoice in the eternal, to commit himself to God. Surely he realized that God loved His people
and allowed destruction only, in His mercy, to give them a chance to repent.
America has sinned, and perhaps God allowed the suffering of September 11th to give our
nation yet another chance. In His mercy, He wants us to repent. Pray for America! For an unprecedented attack may be an
unprecedented opportunity for an unprecedented spiritual awakening, if we pray. Already the people of America are flocking to
churches. This is our opportunity to embrace the peace of God, to radiate that peace in all we do, to direct the world around us
to seek that peace as well.
Your life may be altered far more than mine through this crisis. Perhaps your friend was in the
World Trade Center, or your father is in the military. But no matter what happens, as this crisis continues to unfold, let us
daily look to the Lord and commit our lives to Him! Sing the great hymns “Abide with Me” and “Be Still My Soul” that hold such
meaning for this time. With open hands let us come to pray, trusting that He will do all things well.
Our future – and the future of the world – is uncertain. Yet God’s plans are still in operation, and
His way is still perfect. He knows the future, and is watching over and guiding my life and yours with the perfection and love He
has promised.
Let nothing worry us. For one day, “…the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout… we
which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever
be with the Lord.” – 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17. ©
The Ultimate Friendship
There is a Friend who sticks closer than a brother. There is a Friend who can be
better than the best friend, closer than the most intimate companion, dearer than the most affectionate sister. This is the best
friendship, the pattern which every true friendship follows. This is the ultimate friendship, the fountain from which every true
friendship flows.
This is our friendship with the Lord Jesus Christ. As we ponder and enjoy our friendships with each
other, let’s never forget this friendship, the ultimate friendship. Let’s never forget this Friend, the ultimate Friend.
Jesus Christ is the King who rules the universe, the Creator who designed all we see and know, the
God who orchestrates every moment as part of His divine plan. His power is unfathomable. He is omnipotent and omniscient beyond
our imagination.
And He wants to be a Friend to us, a Friend to people made of dust, a Friend to people whose heart
is naturally inclined toward evil.
What a mystery – that we in this human body, with this sinful nature, living in this temporal world,
can have fellowship with Him! Yet it is His offer to every one of us. He is the One who initiates this friendship. He stands at
the door and knocks. He is not far from each one of us. He waits, patiently, until we open the door,
and then He comes in – until
we seek Him, and then He reveals Himself.
Why does He initiate this friendship? Does He need us? Would He be lacking without us? Does His plan
depend on our cooperation?
It is folly to think that the King of the universe would depend on the worms that crawl on His
footstool. Of course He does not need us. He existed just fine before He created the universe. So why did He create us? And
more than that, why did He pursue friendship with us? And more than that – why did He die for us?
Jesus Christ wants friendship with us. He does not need us, but He wants us. His plans
could stand without us, but He wants to involve us. His eyes search the world for people who love Him, who are committed to Him.
He wants to show His power through us, human channels.
He created us for this purpose. He created us with a heart that would not be fulfilled in mere
wealth, romance, or power. He gave us a heart that would find true fulfillment only in the ultimate friendship – with Him.
The quality of our lives, our work, our other friendships, all flow from the quality of our daily
walk with Jesus Christ. This is first in importance, and we must put it first! How often we run after other friends and neglect
the ultimate friendship. How often we dream of romance and forget the Source of true fulfillment. How often we throw ourselves at
our work and forget the Giver of true success.
Let’s devote ourselves to developing the ultimate friendship, to
discovering the ultimate Friend. We may know Him a little – but let’s find out more!
Is your heart lonely for a human friend? Do you
watch others with a
twinge of envy, that God has not given you a “best friend”? Seize the opportunity of loneliness to focus on the ultimate
friendship. For every other true friendship in your life will build itself upon this.
I remember an afternoon when I was far from home and far from friends, being alone and feeling alone
in an ugly little room. I remember that time as some of the sweetest fellowship I have ever had – with the ultimate Friend. I am
so glad He gave me that solitude to become the foundation of the friendships I enjoy today. ©
Building Friendships with Younger Girls
Why Younger Girls?
By Lara Bode
We live in a very peer-centered society. Many people choose to be friendly and fun around their
peers, but are very boring and reclusive to those who are not in their age-group. This is so sad! More than that, it is wrong!
The pattern we see set forth in the Bible is of older people discipling and encouraging those who are younger or less mature than
themselves.
Check out the Biblical instruction in Titus 2 for older women. Are they
specifically instructed to make friends
with other older women? No! Certainly, it would be fine for them to fellowship and have fun with other older women. But God’s
specific instruction to them is to not neglect spending time discipling and encouraging women younger than themselves.
Have you ever considered that every one of us is an “older woman” to someone? It’s true! Even if you
are only 13 years old, you are an “older woman” to the girls who are 9 or 10 years old. These are the girls who think it’s a
special treat when you will spend time with them. And these are the girls that you need to make it a priority to encourage!
At a conference I attended last week, a wise father made a very interesting point. He said that
those who are almost always the most open for us to share truth with, are those in the age-group directly beneath our own.
They naturally look up to us! They admire us because we have made it through the challenges that they are facing right now. So
although we are heroes to them, they feel they can still relate to us because we aren’t all that far ahead and can easily remember
what it was like to be their age.
It is so important that we make the most of this natural influence over those directly younger than
ourselves! As these “younger women” look at us with admiration, we can point them to the Lord Jesus, be a living picture to them
of His unfailing love, and motivate them to deepen their own personal walk with Him.
One challenging exercise I once did was to make a list of all the people I felt I could influence. I
was surprised how many names were on the list by the time I was finished! I then made a point to be alert to any opportunities for
me to be a positive influence in their lives. One such opportunity came when it was Elizabeth’s 13th birthday.
See below the special birthday e-mail I sent her.
I challenge you to recognize and use for God’s glory this influence that you have on those younger
than you! Don’t conform to the world’s peer-focus; reach out to the “younger women”, and see how God works!
Dear Elizabeth,
As you enter into young womanhood, you are laying the foundation for your whole future life. You may
find, as I did, that there are many conflicting ideals and mindsets out there regarding what is important and what to focus on
during this time in life.
I have found tremendous joy and peace in simply focusing first on the Lord, and second on meeting
the needs of others. It is amazing how just focusing on the Lord (instead of on what other people think) simplifies one's life! I
would encourage you to make Psalm 27:4 the true desire of your heart. “One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty [the Hebrew word means ‘delightfulness’]
of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple.” God wants to be the One whom we seek. As you focus on knowing and loving God
alone, He will bless you amazingly!
Secondly, God has enriched my life incredibly through the principle explained in Isaiah 58:10-11 –
“If you extend your soul to the hungry and satisfy the afflicted soul, then your light shall dawn in the darkness, and your
darkness shall be as the noonday. The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in drought, and strengthen your bones;
you shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.” Part of
God’s design for us is to
serve others (look at the life of Jesus for an example). In asking God to teach me about genuine love and meeting the needs of
others, I have found true joy and purpose in life that I wouldn’t trade for anything!
I am excited to see how the Lord will use you mightily for His kingdom as you continue seeking to
glorify Him. God bless you!
Smile,
Lara
Investment and Influence
By Sarah Knecht
It speaks in our words;
it radiates from our doings.
It is
eloquent in our silences.
It goes in our goings;
it stays in our stayings.
It is potent in our consents;
it is
powerful in our refusals.
It is as precious ointment poured forth,
or it is as a terrible thing for which to give an
account.
It goes in ever-widening circles —
like those about the stones
thrown into the pool –
Widening, circles
widening,
only to break on eternal shores.
After all, it is an [awesome]... thing to live
And to have an influence over
someone who is to live forever!
As I read this little piece titled “Influence” in an old, yellowed scrapbook from the 1930’s,
the responsibility of influence was impressed upon me afresh, and I was inspired anew to be a good example to my siblings and
friends. There are so many opportunities in the course of each day to speak a kind word to a sister, to write a little encouraging
note to a friend, to give a hug to a little brother, to give a smile to an elderly person.
Many of us have been enriched beyond words through good influences in our lives. Think about
self-sacrificing parents, older and younger siblings, great Christians’ biographies,
Godly friends, and wise teachers – many of us
can’t begin to count those who have blessed our lives by being good influences.
I know I’ve been blessed by older girls who took the time to invest in me. When I was nine years
old, my father suffered a severe brain injury while serving in the military. All through the turmoil of Dad’s brain surgery, coma,
hospitalization, and rehabilitation, a Christian woman named Tiffany Drake stood by our family. As the oldest of five
children, I needed extra support, and Tiffany made herself available to me through phone calls and letters. I’ll never forget the
Godly example she was to me, always urging me to meditate on Scripture and look to the Lord.
Two years later, when we lived in Michigan, I met with Tiffany again when she came
out for a conference. Even though she was busy attending sessions at the conference, Tiffany was never too busy to invest time
in me. I was even able to attend one of her meetings, in which she and the rest of the group received instruction in making special
booklets. Each person made a booklet, and then presented and explained it to the rest of the group. When my turn came, I rose
and shared my book with the rest of them. Everyone clapped and smiled approvingly. I was thrilled to my fingertips!
During our family’s fourteen-month ministry in
Michigan, I met so many girls in their older
teens and twenties who, in their own special way, invested in my life. Sharon Rogers taught me to jump rope, build a campfire, and
row a canoe. I spent numerous Sunday afternoons with Holly Johnson, eating treats and chatting away. Karalee Olson made me feel so
included; she would let me help her work in the library, organizing and cleaning out unwanted books. She was such a Godly example
to me. Valerie Crawford took time out of her busy schedule to give me an art lesson. I like to draw, and Valerie taught me the
fundamentals of shading, color, and light. We spent only a few hours together, but I’ll never forget the encouragement she gave,
and the vision of success she had for me.
These are just a few of the many older girls the Lord has brought across my path who have chosen to
invest in my life. Sometimes it was just a brief word or a smile – but it made such an enormous difference in my life! Because
I’ve seen the incredible influence that an older daughter of the King can have on a younger one, I’m now investing my time and
prayers into many younger girls at church and in various ministry situations.
Influence does indeed radiate from our words, actions, and even attitudes. My prayer for all of us
is that we would use our powerful tool of influence for God’s glory in the lives of the younger ones watching us.
Let your investment in them be as precious ointment poured forth. You’ll never regret it!
Genuine Interest in Others
By Lindsay Taylor
Over the last year, the Lord has greatly blessed me with a wonderfully uplifting
friendship with a young lady in our church. She is an excellent example for me in her friendliness of manner, deep love for the
Lord, and servant’s heart. My parents and I have realized that she is a Godly young lady for me to walk with. As Proverbs 13:20
says, “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”
Since my friend is seven years older than I, she has become a real mentor for me. Rather than
seeking out only those who are near her age, my friend tries to be a blessing and encouragement to me as well. I realize that
younger people enjoy being with the age group just older than they, but are usually ignored or rejected. I have had this happen to
me, and it is really hurtful and discouraging. But my friend always includes me! She is a great example.
My parents have taught me that I should pursue friendships in which my friend and I can motivate
each other to seek first God’s kingdom and His righteousness. What a powerful concept! In addition to discussing the events that
are taking place in our lives, my friend builds me up in the Lord, and I inevitably come away refreshed.
My friend is attentive to the needs of those she is talking with, and then
points these needs to the Word of God. She asks questions to find out where I may be struggling in my walk with the Lord; then she responds with
encouragement!
She is always cheerful and willing to share in conversations; this causes others to open up and
share as well. She shows her genuine interest in other people by looking at them when they speak and listening attentively. This
is very important. When other people begin to look around when I am speaking, it makes me feel as if they aren’t interested and
would rather be somewhere else.
My friend and I delight in taking walks together! We often recite Scriptures to each other and talk
about what we can learn from God’s Word. When service opportunities arise, we work together to encourage and support others. We
had a rewarding time hosting a mothers’ tea a couple of weeks ago!
Another way that we have impacted and challenged each other is just sharing what we have been
learning. She is always asking the question, “What books have you been reading lately?” This helps me to share what I’ve been
reading and thinking about. We also include in these discussions what we have been learning from our Bible reading.
Remember that the Lord gives to us so that we can give to others. “And God is able to make all
grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.” –
2 Corinthians 9:8. Those who give will be rewarded abundantly! “The generous soul will be made rich, and he who waters will
also be watered himself.” – Proverbs 11:25. Trust in the Lord for His strength to help you step out in faith in this area. He
will bless your efforts and build you up! “...God loves a cheerful giver.” – 2 Corinthians 9:7. ©
My Best Friend
By Hope Synder
I would have to say that my brother is my best friend. Even though he and I are eleven years apart
and differ in so many areas, we are still very good friends!
When my brother Joe and I were growing up, Mom became sick with a chronic disease called Lupus. It
is a short name for a long list of possible diseases! Lupus attacks the kidneys, lungs, brain, and connective tissue, many times
resulting in death. My mom began to go downhill and had frequent trips to the hospital.
My dad took my brother aside and said that while he was at work, Joe was to take care of Mom and me.
(I was too young to be of much help, and Dad was working long hours.) So all the responsibilities for running the home fell on my
thirteen-year-old big brother. Joe had to take care of me and make sure Mom was as comfortable as possible.
My mom’s illness caused Joe and I to become close. I looked up to and admired my brother, who was
handling everything so well. We soon discovered a diet that would help Mom. It included vitamins, no salt, and lots of fresh
juice. Joe made big pitchers of juice for Mom every day. Slowly, she began to get better. For a while, she enjoyed semi-good
health, but had a lot of pain that she bore in silence.
Mom, Joe, and I became very close. We did everything together. The three of us had great Bible
studies, experimented with cooking, and enjoyed talking with each other.
After Joe graduated from high school, he went to college. I missed him so much! Many of his
responsibilities fell on me. That made me appreciate Joe even more! When Joe had a day off, he would spend it with me. We played
Legos and did errands around town together. He even took me shopping. He always knew exactly what I liked!
Two years into college, Joe met his future wife Jolena. As they began courting, I kind of fell out
of his priority box, which was okay because he was still at home, in the room next to mine. When Joe and Jolena’s wedding date
rolled around, I was still blind to what was going to happen. I did not realize that Joe would not be in the room right next to
mine, that he would not be there to help me stuff stockings for Christmas, and that he would not be there if I needed someone to
talk to. He would not be home at all! That was something I had not come to grips with.
Ironically, I did not realize it until Jolena walked down the aisle at the wedding. Even then, it
did not sink very deep – only deep enough to make me break down crying in front of all those people. (I was the flower girl.) The
groomsmen said that they felt like crying when they looked at me. And all my cousins were crying, too!
Sadly, everything sank in when Joe and Jolena walked down the church steps into their waiting car.
Joe was not just my brother; he belonged to someone else. I would not have anymore of those brother-sister moments because Joe had
grown up. He was a man now and had other God-given responsibilities. I broke down and sobbed for two hours.
For the next year and a half, I constantly set the table for four when there were only three people
in the house. Everything reminded me of Joe. When Christmas came around, and Joe wasn’t there to help put the tree together, I put
my head down on the kitchen table and sobbed again. I felt that I had lost my best friend. I realized that I needed to let Joe go
so that he could become the man God wanted him to be. God worked in my heart, and over time, I began to feel better.
The next year, Joe announced that the Snyder family was expecting a new member. At first I thought,
“Oh, my goodness, I am way too young to be an aunt.” However, I realized that being an aunt at thirteen was great! On the day my
niece Abigail was born, I was so nervous I could not eat! As all the family members crowded around the delivery waiting room
window, watching Joe hold Abby, I felt proud. That’s my brother! He’s a dad! And that’s my niece!
Do you know the saying, “You don’t know what you have until you lose it”? I feel now that I did not
know what I was missing out on! I love having a sister-in-law; I love having a niece; and I love having the brother that Joe is to
me! I did not know what I was missing until I opened my eyes to God’s blessings.
Joe is still my best friend. He comes over three times a week and tutors me in algebra. In exchange
for his knowledge, I bake him pies, cookies, and brownies. Joe just finished college with a Bachelor in Science! No sister could
be prouder or feel more blessed! ©
Pen-Pals, Friends, Sisters
By Hayley Weikert
and Lisa Bode
Lisa:
“Two are better than one.... For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow....” –
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10.
It was a warm afternoon in August. I felt lonely, overwhelmed, and more than anything, very weary. I
had spent the previous two months pushing toward several goals. Now this last month of summer seemed like a grand finale, when
everything would either come together – or fall apart.
At that moment, falling apart seemed highly likely.
I sat over the calendar, scribbling into each week’s space a list of work that I had, at that
moment, no desire for. I knew I should pray, and cast my burdens on the Lord, and seek His peace and strength.
I know for certain that God could have encouraged me by Himself at that moment. But instead He
decided to work through friendship. For suddenly I had a thought, which I am sure now was God-given. Why don’t you call
Hayley?
No, I brushed it away. I knew that Hayley was going through a busy time, and was feeling
overwhelmed herself. The last thing she needed was to listen to my tale of woe.
Why don’t you call Hayley?
Well, I reasoned. She called me to ask me to pray when she was overwhelmed... I will make it
short... why not?
Ten minutes later I was practically singing as I went back to work. After talking and praying with
Hayley, the burdens felt marvelously lifted, the desire for my work had returned, and I felt confident that God would make
everything come together. For when I had fallen, He worked through Hayley to lift me up.
* *
*
Hayley:
Lisa and I began writing in 1994, when pen-pals were “in” and friendship booklets were the rage. My
personal goal, albeit an immature one, was to write to as many girls as I could. This may explain my thirty-three pen-pals and
monthly form letters! So when I received Lisa’s letter introducing herself and asking to be pen-pals, I didn’t even consider
saying no.
But something in her letter struck a chord. Maybe it was her candid honesty about who she really
was, or maybe it was her sense of humor. I thought, This will be fun.
I had just turned twelve and Lisa was still eleven. It would be difficult to say who was more
opinionated – me or Lisa. (Okay, it was me J.) But our strong convictions and developing
views gave us many topics to discuss, and unlike other pen-pals, I never wondered what I should write to Lisa!
For awhile we were pen-pals, and then, at some point along the way, we became true friends. I wonder
when?
It could have been when I was fourteen. I was lonely and having a difficult time standing alone. We
were in the midst of changing churches, and I was experiencing the joys (?) of being a young teen – childhood slipping away, to
wear makeup or not, would I ever meet a boy I liked?
I was lonely and isolated, rejected by the social circles in my area, and too young to know how to
overlook the barriers that separated me from other girls. I felt that either I must be just like my friends, or I must have
friends who were just like me. And since my family’s convictions and standards prevented me from being just like “the other
girls”, I found myself left out and alone.
Lisa became the girlfriend I didn’t have locally. She was the only person I could spill to. Her
letters encouraged me, made me laugh and cry. She was a friend I could trust, and I needed that so much.
Or did we become friends when we were both sixteen? Lisa was dealing with a difficult move, making
new friends, and attending a new church. I was really struggling with bitterness and rebellion. And yet, in my frustration, our
friendship remained one of the anchors in my life. Lisa was gentle, yet honest, and I needed that.
Maybe Lisa became my dearest friend when I was seventeen. She was there for me by phone as I dealt
with the grief and loss and questions after my precious baby brother went to be with Jesus.
She was in Oklahoma City. I vividly remember that phone call, but only the emotions that I felt. I
know Lisa said she was praying. I know that she shared a verse with me, but I don’t remember what it was. I heard her say that
she and workers with her were praying for our family.
The details faded away instantly because I was still numb and shocked, yet the love and concern and
shared burden soothed my hurting heart. To know that Lisa was praying was better than anything she could have said.
I knew that we were true friends by the time we faced the college question. Last summer was a
challenge as I explained, nearly everywhere I went, why I believed the Lord wanted me at home. It was great to be able to call
Lisa and see if she had any new ways of rephrasing, “No, I’m not going to college.” Our letters grew longer and the phone bills
grew larger as we sorted through the complexities of serving the Lord as a young woman.
A friend who draws you closer to Christ is a treasure.
* *
*
Lisa:
As I prepared to write this feature with Hayley, I asked myself, What makes our friendship
tick?
Why have we become so close when we live so far away? Why do I receive more joy and inspiration from
this friendship than I would have ever imagined when we began?
I know it’s not because we’re perfect or extra special – we both have failed several times in
several areas over the course of our friendship, and we’re aware of each other’s failings.
What then? I believe it is because God gave us – and continues to guide – this friendship. He
has planned and directed it, and He is developing in our hearts the key to true friendship – genuine love.
Love does not seek its own. My friendship with Hayley really began to deepen when I tried to stop
looking to her for fun and fellowship for me, and tried focusing instead on giving to her.
How often we approach a friendship not for what we can give, but for what we can get.
We want admiration, approval, popularity, and fun. We do not want to be lonely. We want someone to talk to me and encourage
me. Our mindset is twisted.
Perhaps we have no nearby friends at the moment, and are waiting anxiously for someone to come along
and love me. Instead we should be looking for someone to come along whom we can love. Maybe your person to love will
be a shy little child, or an elderly woman.
True friendship gives, even when nothing can be returned. True friendship says, “I want to
encourage her. I want to talk to her. I hope she is not lonely. How can I show her love?” Self is out
of the picture.
Throughout our friendship, Hayley has been so giving. During one of our visits, she took me to the
home of an elderly couple, and sat talking to them with a sunny smile for quite awhile! I was floored. I do not usually spend my
mornings cheering up an elderly couple. There didn’t appear to be anything in it for Hayley. But she was not there for herself.
Then, when I went through a time of suffering, when it seemed like I was losing everything, Hayley
was there for me. I’m sure I was a miserable friend during those months. Not many words of cheer came through my letters!
But Hayley recognized my need. Her letters became much more frequent because she knew I needed them.
They were filled with encouragement and reminders of God’s promises. She directed me to inspiring books, poems, and hymns. She
also sent all kinds of funny little things to cheer me up – a poem about a mouse in her brother’s overalls, and a recipe for
pancakes J.
I knew I could call Hayley when I felt terrible. I knew she would not say, “Stop complaining.
Honestly, do you think I want to hear about your messes? Leave me alone and let me enjoy my life.” I knew I could call her and be
encouraged, and I knew that she would not reject me just because I was having a bad day.
Friends who have genuine love are not only faithful in another’s suffering, but joyful in another’s
happiness. Both Hayley and I are learning not to be possessive of each other. I feel comfortable telling her when I have made a
new friend. I know she won’t think, “Well, I hope Lisa still likes me, too.” Instead she’s happy for me.
We’ve also been learning that love does not envy. Right now God has blessed Hayley with gifts He has
not given me. On first reaction, I struggled with envy. “Lord, You’ve given that to Hayley. Why not me, too?” Faith is the
solution – faith that God gives to each of us what is best for us at that moment. The Lord gave me the grace to sincerely rejoice
with Hayley in God’s goodness to her.
* *
*
Hayley:
“Lisa lives where?” my friend asks, incredulous.
“Virginia,” I repeat, grinning to myself.
“But – how can you be such good friends? Have you ever seen each other?”
That’s a good question, and one that I am usually asked when I talk about Lisa.
Though now we have seen each other several times, we became friends through correspondence before we ever met.
Did it matter then, that we hadn’t met? You know, really it didn’t. Although our friendship has
deepened and grown since our visits to each other, telephone calls and photos were at first great ways to have glimpses of each
other’s lives.
But our visits have been the highlights of our friendship. I will never forget the excitement of
watching for Lisa to come into the airport in Cedar Rapids. Finally I saw her step off the plane, squinting in the sunlight. “It’s
Lisa! There she is, Dad!”
And amazingly, I was tongue-tied. I recovered nicely, and we had a great visit together, camping
out, going to church on Sunday morning and later a picnic and softball game, talking, and looking at photo albums.
Two years later, my visit to see Lisa came as a surprise to both of us. I hadn’t ever expected to be
able to fly out to see her, because as a rule, our family does everything as a family! So when Dad asked me if I wanted to go out
to Virginia for a week, I was floored. After the initial shock, we scrambled to find airline tickets. The Lord blessed me with a
great price, something I could afford (thanks to my pastor and the Internet!). And then Dad surprised me even more by paying for
my whole trip (thank you, Dad!).
Lisa and I had a blast. First we toured Washington, D.C., with Lara. I found it hard to comprehend
the fast-paced culture of Washington and felt like a total country mouse J. I tease Lisa that in
Iowa, we have time to stop on the road – right in the middle, mind you – and retrieve a baseball cap that blew off. And if
there might be cars behind you, they will patiently wait. Driving is easy; there aren’t even any stoplights in my county!
It was so fun to see a different part of the country, and especially nice to see where Lisa’s
“setting” is. It’s helped me so much to visualize her as I read her letters and as we talk on the phone.
Since we have had a long-distance friendship, doing things together was twice the fun – like
shopping and eating out and doing other girl stuff (“do you like my hair like this?”). We talked Lisa into modeling her new
clothes,
and I remember thinking, This is what I’ve always wanted to do with my best friend – I can’t believe I’m sitting here.
Friendship is made up of so many of those “special moments”, and it’s such a blessing to be able to have those moments – I
appreciate it more since it’s rare!
I remember sitting at a little table outside a shopping center in Leesburg, with cookies and coffee
and the warm spring sunshine. I felt so overwhelmed with the goodness of God to give me a friend like Lisa, and to let us spend
time together!
* *
*
Lisa:
When I was eight or nine years old, I dreamed of a “best friend”. I had read books of little girls
and their best friends and all the fun they had together – and I dreamed of the same thing in my own life. I knew exactly what I
wanted this friend to be.
She would be exactly like me – same age, personality, interests, opinions, and ambitions. Except one
thing – she would be perfect, and extraordinarily attractive. And she would live right next door, of course, so we could see each
other all the time.
That was my ideal for a “best friend”. If God had told me then that He would in a few years give me
a different sort of friend, I would probably have been disappointed. God would give me a friend who lived not next door, but
several states away. That would mean we could not drop by for a visit, or have her family over for dinner. We could not attend the
same church and interact with the same social circle. In fact, we would not even see each other face to face until five years
after we began corresponding.
Even if Hayley had lived next door, we still would have faced differences I had not imagined in the
perfect friend. We have different personalities. We share most, but not all, of the same standards – which means there are some
activities I cannot do with Hayley that I would have imagined doing with a friend.
Our families are in different home-schooling
programs. My family has email; Hayley’s family doesn’t. I don’t particularly like sports; Hayley does.
I don’t like animals; Hayley does. (In fact, I could tell you about her family’s dog, but I won’t J.)
And on and on! From a human perspective, Hayley would seem far different from my imagined “perfect
friend” (except that she is extraordinarily attractive J).
But God’s ways are so much higher than ours! He knew Hayley would be far better for me than my dream
friend. He brought us together – rather miraculously through a simple pen-pal ad. He has used our differences to sharpen each
other and to expand our perspectives.
And as we have gotten to know each other, these differences have faded away. In fact, they no longer
matter at all, because of the common bond we have found in things so much deeper than email or sports.
God can do the same for you. You may be holding onto – hoping for – a dream friend. But instead open
your eyes to the people God has put in your life – and the others He may bring to you.
His plan is perfect. The friendships He chooses for you may be unexpected, but they will be
wonderful. The friendships you choose apart from His will may make more sense, but they will never give you the joy that God’s
chosen friendships do.
Surrender your friendships to the Lord. Focus not on seeking “cool people”, or a “best friend” next
door. Focus instead on showing genuine love to everyone you meet, and God will give you greater joy and fulfillment than you could
have imagined.
from both of us -- practical ideas to develop a long-distance friendship
Write interesting letters. Take time to think about what you are going to say. Ask lots of questions
that will bring up different topics. Share interesting and crazy and sad and happy incidents from your life. Be interested in each other. Don’t spend your entire letter telling about yourself – ask questions and
respond to your friend’s letter. The same applies to conversation – listen while your friend talks, instead of planning what
you’ll say when she stops for a breath. Don’t hide your faults or try to sound like someone you’re not. Be real, open, and honest. Share how you
struggle, and how the Lord teaches you through it. Give humble counsel, not lectures J. Send photos – old pictures, new pictures, and most certainly not just canned studio photos. Read the same books and discuss them. Exchange poems, recipes, or quotes. Send your friend a beautiful card, or a little gift, now and then. This is an unexpected reminder that you treasure
her friendship. Agree to disagree. Stand up for your convictions, and don’t be ashamed of them or compromise. Be content with the
standards your family has chosen. But also be humble, realizing that no one is perfect and has all the answers, and that all of us
view things differently. Accept your friend for who she is, and the standards her parents have set for her. This is a fine line to
walk, but it can be done! Pray for your friend. This helps to develop the focus of giving to her needs. Don’t neglect other friendships. Seek to encourage and minister to your local body of
believers. ©
Sisters for Eternity
By Margaret Armstrong
About ten years ago, when I was only six, my family met another family. They had
two children, as did we. The boy was four, the same age as my brother, and the girl was eight. We loved each other immediately and
with our mothers becoming the best of friends, we saw each other often.
I believe it was a few years later when I began to see that Hannah was different from all the other
girls our age. While we went through the normal changes of growing up, Hannah seemed to stay the same.
Much to my shame, I often took her faithful love and loyalty for granted – until I went through some
very painful things with girls I thought were my friends. That was when I realized that never did Hannah hurt me – never did she
hurt anyone. When she was hurt, she gave love. She gave me unconditional love. She showed me how Jesus wants us to treat each
other. I began to realize what a priceless gift God had given me in a girl named Hannah.
One day, several years after we met, Mrs. Smith, Hannah’s mother, called and asked if they could
come to see us for a little while. This visit was unexpected, and we wondered what was going on that Mrs. Smith needed to talk to
Mom in person.
When they arrived, my brother and I took a break from school, and we all went off to create some new
game. Mom and Mrs. Smith went straight to Mom’s room. It was evident that something was wrong. Mrs. Smith, who was normally
bubbling and happy, was subdued and distressed. Over the years, I had come to love her almost as a second mother. It worried me
that she seemed so unhappy.
Before long, Mom and Mrs. Smith emerged from the bedroom. They both had red eyes, but at least they
were happier. That night, Mom told me the reason for Mrs. Smith’s sadness.
“Hannah was examined by a specialist,” she explained. “He determined that she is slightly retarded.”
She waited for my reaction.
“Well,” I answered slowly, “didn’t we always know Hannah was different somehow?”
“Mrs. Smith was afraid you and your brother would feel differently about her, and your relationship
would change.”
“I love Hannah,” I said, truthfully. “That will never change.”
Hannah had stood by me and loved me since we first met, and that day the Lord gave me the
opportunity to do the same for her.
Now Hannah is eighteen and I am sixteen. Hannah has gone through some rough times, but in the midst
of her difficulties the joy of Jesus is very evident. She meets each trial with a smile and brings joy to all that know and love
her.
One day last fall while we were all together, our neighbor brought her infant granddaughter over for
a short visit. Our neighbor was a friend of both our families, and Hannah was most anxious to see the baby. Because her arms were
weak, she was not able to hold the baby, but Mrs. Smith suggested laying her on my mother’s bed so Hannah could get close to
her.
Gently, I took the baby from her grandma. As I walked down the hall, with Hannah close behind, the
baby began to wail. I could not quiet her in my arms so I tried laying her on the bed. Suddenly, she looked at Hannah and her eyes
locked on Hannah’s face.
“Hi, baby!” Hannah said, smiling down on her. Still gazing steadfastly into Hannah’s eyes, she
wrapped five tiny fingers around Hannah’s slender one.
I was witnessing something very beautiful and pure. It was innocence looking into the eyes of
innocence. I believe when that baby, still pure and uncorrupted by the world, looked into the eyes of Hannah, she saw pure and
perfect love. She saw Jesus shining through an eighteen-year-old girl, who like herself, was uncorrupted by the world.
I have been incredibly blessed by this beautiful and unique friendship. If I had never been rejected
by girls I thought were my friends, all those years ago, I really don’t believe Hannah and I would be as close as we are today. I
surely did not understand my rejection at the time, but all along the Lord was planning to bless me more than I ever would have
imagined.
While the hurt lasted for a season, the blessing will last for eternity. As I like to say, friends
in this world, sisters for eternity. ©
Four Cousins
By Bonny and Wendy
Southwell,
and Jessica and Heather Smith
Can cousins be good friends? Definitely! We are Bonny and Wendy Southwell from
Michigan, and Jessica and Heather Smith from Oklahoma. Even though we live over one thousand miles apart, we are still able to be
good friends. After all, we’re only an e-mail away J!
Last summer we were able to get together for a family reunion. We enjoyed talking together, having
tea parties, going on long walks, and of course writing this article! We hope these personal insights and meditations about
friendship will bless you.
Wendy: The Bible story of David and Jonathan is a great example of Godly friendship. While
reading from 1 Samuel 23, I especially noticed verses 14-18. David had just experienced betrayal and a narrow escape from Saul. He
was hiding when Jonathan came to him and “...strengthened his hand in God.”
God used Jonathan to encourage and strengthen David’s faith during that time of persecution. The
Lord showed me that we should be looking for ways to do the same for our friends, whether they are experiencing great trials such
as David went through, or small trials that often occur in daily life. A true friend will stick by you in hard times.
Jessica: What are some ways we can show friendliness? Do you reach out and greet new people with a bright smile, or do you hang back,
waiting for others to introduce themselves to you? I have a dog who will practically jump out of her skin to welcome me when I
arrive home. That’s why dogs are so popular; they go all out (in a doggy way) to make you feel welcome and loved.
Another thing about being a good friend is having a genuine interest in your friend’s life. People
can sense when someone is genuinely interested in their lives, and they appreciate it. Sometimes we get selfish in our
friendships, thinking only of what we can get from the friendship and talking only about our own interests, ideas, and needs. You
can build and strengthen your friendships by finding out what is important in your friend’s life, showing interest, and
encouraging her.
I would encourage you to work on your “people skills”. You will not only bless those around you by
your friendly spirit, but you will receive a greater blessing yourself.
Bonny: Can you be good friends with someone faraway? The friends that are dearest to my heart
happen to be the ones that live in other states and countries, so I rarely see them. But through writing letters, I have kept in
closer contact with these faraway friends than with friends near home.
How do you become close friends through writing letters? Being open and honest is vital to forming a
good friendship. I share with my friends struggles and victories, lessons the Lord is teaching me, verses and spiritual songs He
has put on my heart, events in my everyday life, my thoughts on issues, prayer requests, and much more.
Don’t wait for the other person to open up and share her life with you. If you start sharing first,
she will feel free to open up and share also.
We must also avoid being selfish in our friendships. When writing a letter to a friend, I use her
last letter as a guide to make sure I answer her questions and comment on what she wrote about. Writing only about yourself and
what you are doing can get boring to the other person. Show genuine interest in your friend’s life by focusing on her and asking
questions.
When a friend shares with me something she’s struggling with or going through, I find it uplifting
to be able to encourage her. I like to share Bible verses and remind her that she’s not alone. “...exhorting one another: and
so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.” – Hebrews 10:25.
Sometimes a friend can see problems in your own life better than you can. Many times God uses
friends to convict you of a sin or problem that you need to change. Lovingly let your friend know if she is doing something that
is not according to God’s will. When my friends have had the courage to let me know about a problem they have noticed in my life,
I have found myself rejoicing that they love me enough to correct me, rather than let me go on blindly into a worse situation.
“But exhort one another daily, while it is called Today; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.” –
Hebrews 3:13.
Also remember to pray for your friends. This is something that I struggle with. I remember to pray
for my own needs, but I don’t always think of my friends’ needs while I am praying. It brings me comfort when a friend tells me
that she is praying for me, and I know my friends appreciate my prayers for them also.
Writing letters is a great way to get acquainted with a friend, even if you live close by and see
each other often. It is easier to say certain things in writing than in talking (at least for me, since I am a rather timid
person!). Writing does take time, so if you think you are not a good letter writer, remember, as with many things, it gets easier
with practice!
“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!” – Psalm
133:1.
Heather: God has been showing me the importance of being a true friend to those nearest me –
my family! In the past, I have always longed for a friend my age with whom I could be best friends. Now I realize that God has
granted my request, but in a totally different way than I thought He would!
In my siblings I have found wonderful friends! I often struggle with opening up my heart to my
sisters (they are the ones who see all my faults!), but I have discovered some ways to build my relationship with them.
Writing notes to siblings, complimenting them, pointing out something good they did, or just saying
“I love you!” is a wonderful way to encourage them. Often thoughtful notes from family members are the ones that are treasured for
years.
Little actions of kindness, such as making a bed, cleaning a room, or doing someone else’s chores,
go a long way in building friendships with siblings. The other night, I agreed to give my sister a back scratch, even though I
don’t especially enjoy doing it. She really enjoyed it, and we were able to talk together while I scratched away.
Planning special times together with each other is great! My younger siblings and I enjoy “camping
out” together on the living room floor or outside. We talk, eat marshmallows, tell stories, and just have fun together!
Another thing I try to do is to ask forgiveness right away for an angry word, mean action, etc. This
keeps a wall from being built that would keep me from being a good friend to my siblings.
Girls, I encourage you to make your siblings your best friends, and enjoy them. Just think how much
you can influence them for the good, and be the one they respect and come to for advice and love.
That is the ideal, and believe me, I am still working on it, and with God’s grace pursuing it!
“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father
which is in heaven.” – Matthew 5:16. ©
Gift Solutions:
Inexpensive, Homemade Christmas Presents
Ideas...
-
Pocket calendars– These make nice gifts for either Christmas or New Year’s. If you have a scanner,
scan and print a photo for each month. Then attach each one to a rectangular piece of construction paper (leave a ¼” border
around photo). You can also decorate with stickers. Next, connect pages (I used yarn) and draw a calendar for each month on
the back of the next page. [For instance, January calendar is drawn on the back of February photo page. – Ed.]
-
Stationery – Cut a standard 8½x11” piece of colored paper in half or fourths; decorate with rubber
stamps. You can write a person’s name on each piece, or draw flowers, animals, snowflakes, etc. If desired, you can color the
shapes with markers. If you want lined stationery, use a straight edge for a nice look. These make nice gifts for little
sisters!
-
Doll bibs – These sweet and appreciated gifts are easy to make. Cut fabric into desired bib shape.
Finish edges with green bias, leaving extra for ties. You can draw a design or use iron-on patches and decorations.
-
Stories – These are nice for little children. Be sure to use easy-to-understand words and colorful
pictures. If you can draw well, a coloring book is also a nice gift.
~ Rachel Huffman
-
Garage sales – These are great places for finding inexpensive, if not small, gifts. Second-hand
stores also work nicely.
-
Pillows – Cut out 9 small squares (about 3” each) of coordinating fabrics, and sew them together to
form a square. Embroider one of the fruits of the spirit on each square, if desired. Cut out a large piece of fabric to back
the pillow, and sew together, leaving a small opening to stuff the pillow. Stuff to desired size, and hand-stitch opening
closed.
~ Heather Terrall
-
Pillowcases - Decorate plain white pillowcases with decorative machine stitching, fabric appliqué,
and little “yo-yo” flowers. (“Yo-yos” are made by sewing a running stitch around a fabric circle, and then gathering it
tightly.)
-
Folders - Fold up 2” of the long side of an 8½x11” sheet of paper. Glue side edges down to create a
pocket, and fold in half crosswise to create a folder. [Portfolio shape - Ed.] Attach a piece of ribbon to hold the
folder shut. Decorate front with recipient’s name, rubber stamping, stickers, etc. You can fill the folder with stickers,
stationery, and coupons for time and jobs.
~ Lisa Spindler
-
Doll blankets, pillows, and clothes - These are great gifts for little sisters. You can personalize
the gift by embroidering the name of the doll.
-
Inexpensive dish cloths - These are nice for your mom or older sisters. I like to embroider their
name or a Bible verse on each cloth.
-
Pressed flowers and leaves - You can frame these to make a pretty gift.
~ Amy Stanley
-
Homemade soap - Melt microwaveable soap base in microwave. Add desired coloring and scent, and pour
into mold. For more ideas, the book Soapmaking 101 is a good reference.
-
Fleece blankets - Buy 12/3 yards of 60” wide polar fleece. Trim edges straight,
and edge with blanket stitch, using 6 strands embroidery floss. (Polar fleece will not ravel; edging is for decoration.) These
are simple and cozy!
~ Susan Madziarczyk
-
Crochet projects - You can crochet a set of doilies for your friend. Another idea is to
crochet a bag in which to give tea bags, a bar of soap, etc.
-
Poetry - If you are a poet, you can type or handwrite some of your poems on a thick paper or poster
board; stamp or draw a frame around the edges. You can use this same idea for a drawing, photo, or Bible verse.
-
Stationery - I like to rubber stamp several sheets of paper with matching envelopes; they make a
really nice gift.
-
Bookmarks - These make good gifts for pen-pals. Begin with a design already imprinted on a piece of
paper, card, Aida cloth, or fabric. To finish a paper or card bookmark, cut around the edges with specially designed “edging”
scissors. For Aida cloth, finish edges with a ribbon or fray check. For fabric, sew lace around the edges.
~ Ruth Allen
Projects...
Christmas Stars
star pattern
poster board/heavy card
silver/gold spray paint
Bible verse stickers
laminating paper (opt)
needle and
thread
1.) Trace stars from the pattern onto the poster board, and cut them out.
2.) On a newspaper surface, spray paint both sides of poster board stars; let dry.
3.) Place a Bible verse sticker on each star.
4.) Laminate if desired.
5.) Using the needle and thread, make a loop from which to hang the star.
These are nice gifts for pen-pals because the stars fit in envelopes.
~ Ana Marie Ort
Ribbon Bible Bookmark
3 lengths of ribbon in coordinating colors (width: 3/8”, length: as long as the Bible plus 2”)
1½” length
of ribbon
hot glue gun
3 charms/buttons
1.) Place 3 long ribbons on top of each other, and sew many times across one end.
2.) Glue short piece of ribbon around top to hide stitching; trim shorter if necessary.
3.) To prevent ends from fraying, dip each into a small puddle of hot glue, and smooth with fingers or paper.
[Warning: hot glue can burn fingers. – Ed.]
4.) Sew or glue charms/buttons onto ends of ribbon.
This bookmark is handy as it will mark three places at once.
~ Lisa Spindler
Goodies from a Mix
Brownies
1½ cups sugar
1/3 cup cocoa
1 cup white chocolate/peanut butter chips
1 cup flour
½ tsp baking
powder
¼ tsp salt
½ cup chocolate chips
1.) Layer ingredients (in given order) in 1-quart glass jar.
2.) Cover and attach the following baking directions: “Melt ½ cup butter, and cool; combine butter with 2 slightly
beaten eggs. Gently stir in brownie mix. Spread in greased 8x8” pan. Bake at 350 for 35 minutes. Cut into bars. Makes 16.”
Chunky Chocolate Cookies
¾ cup firmly packed brown sugar
½ cup sugar
¼ cup cocoa
½ cup chopped pecans
1 cup jumbo chocolate chips
1¾ cups
flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
¼ tsp salt
1.) Layer brown sugar, sugar, cocoa, pecans, and chocolate chips in a 1-quart glass jar; pack down.
2.) Combine flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt; add to jar.
3.) Cover and attach the following baking directions: “Empty cookie mix into a large mixing bowl, and stir. Mix in ¾
cup softened butter, 1 slightly beaten egg, and 1 tsp vanilla. Shape into walnut-sized balls, and place 2” apart on greased baking
sheets. Bake at 350 for 11-13 minutes. Cool 5 minutes before removing to racks. Makes 3 dozen.”
~ Samantha and Jaclynn Goshorn ©
|
|
