Week 9
A Higher Plan

"I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." John 10:10b

     Last lesson we learned about four main purposes for suffering, and how God intends to use suffering to bring about significant benefits in our lives.
     Although God uses suffering for our ultimate good, the devil tries to distort our understanding of suffering and tempts us to respond with bitterness.

Characteristics of Bitterness: (Place a check beside any characteristics that you see in your own life.)

• Imagining how life would be if that hadn’t happened.
• Dwelling on the negative.
• Longing for a different situation.
• Refusing to see the good in a problem.
• Blaming God for causing the problem.
• Thinking God has stopped caring or has dumped me.
• Blaming other people for causing problems in my life.
• Avoiding those who have hurt me, or giving them the “silent treatment”.
• Reminding others how they could have avoided the problem.
• Looking for ways to “get back at” people who have hurt me or those I care about.
• Mentally rehearsing people’s failures and what I want to do to them.

     Although you may not think of yourself as a “bitter” person, be aware that it is common for a person to harbor bitterness without even realizing it. The above characteristics should be viewed as “warning signs” that bitterness is present. It must be dealt with, or serious consequences may result.
     Bitterness often has alarming results! It damages us physically, psychologically, and spiritually.

Physical Consequences:
     Bitterness can cause chemical imbalances in our bodies, which lowers our resistance to germs and bacteria and can lead to many serious diseases. Bitterness also tightens facial muscles, which can cause our teeth to ache and give us hard and unattractive facial features. Our bones and blood can be damaged by bitterness.

Psychological Consequences:
     The most common psychological effect of bitterness is depression. Depression is the result of running out of emotional energy.  Bitterness is a continuous emotional drain which can lead to extreme depression.

Spiritual Consequences:
     Harboring bitterness toward someone forces us to focus on them, and can cause us to develop the very same negative traits that we see in the one we are bitter toward. A grave spiritual consequence of bitterness is that we develop an inability to love God.
     1 John 4:20-21 says “If someone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.” The life of Cain (Adam and Eve’s son) is an interesting illustration of this truth. Cain’s bitterness and jealousy toward his brother Abel was very closely related to Cain’s lack of love for and bitterness toward God. (See Genesis 4).
     God has designed our lives to work in such a way that when we violate His commands, there are serious consequences in other areas of our lives. Only by forgiving our offenders can we enjoy physical, psychological, and spiritual health.

Steps to Freedom from Bitterness:

• Confess to God any bitterness against Him. Realize that bitterness is a sin that must be repented of!
  
  
• Thank Him for the suffering He has allowed and the purposes He is working to accomplish through it.

• Surrender your life to the Lord in prayer, and trust Him to handle it however He thinks best. Read Proverbs 3:5. Who do you think will do a better job handling your life: you or God? Give a reason for your answer.
  
  
  
  
  
• Ask God to show you the purpose(s) for the suffering that He is allowing in your life. Be attentive to see if God will show you the answer through the Bible as you read some in it each day!
  
  
• As God reveals the purpose for suffering, follow Him in obedience.
  
  
• Cling to God’s promises.
  
  
• Trust Him to end the suffering in His perfect time.

     One major type of suffering occurs when other people offend us. It can be really difficult to respond with a proper attitude! It is helpful to realize that, just as God works through illnesses and all other kinds of suffering, He also works through offenses to develop the character of Christ in us.
     He wants our response to offenders to be one of forgiveness rather than one of anger and bitterness. Forgiveness means clearing the offender’s record and having an open attitude toward him or her.
     We do not enjoy being hurt by others. But if we belong to Jesus, nothing can really damage us. What truth is revealed in Matthew 10:28?





     Though offenses are painful, we should thank God for His ultimate purposes for allowing suffering in our lives.
     It is important to understand the difference between forgiveness and pardon so that we can respond to offenders in God’s way and under the appropriate authority structure.
     Forgiveness is releasing an offender emotionally. It is resolving anger and vengeance by purposing to genuinely love an offender and meet his or her needs with God’s solutions.
     Pardon is different because it requires authority. Pardon is releasing an offender from the consequences, the penalty, of his or her sin. Often we can emotionally release offenders and fully forgive them in our hearts, but we do not have the authority to pardon them.

Testimony (from Lara Bode):
     Following are effective steps that I have used to develop a heart of forgiveness toward those who have hurt me:

1. I repented of my focus on myself, rather than on God.  The very fact that I had been bitter proved that I was more concerned over things that last for a time than things which last for eternity. “while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” – 2 Corinthians 4:18. My anger and bitterness were directly related to my pride: focusing on how I was being treated.

2. I recognized my attitude of ungratefulness toward God for the opportunity to learn character through the offenses. I had been ungrateful for His good work in my life, and had resisted it for a long time by refusing to forgive my offenders.

3. I viewed my offenders as God’s agents. Although their actions toward me were wrong, I realized that God wanted to work through these offenses to develop character in me. He had allowed the offenses for my benefit!

4. I thanked God for His ultimate purposes through the offenses. I knew that God wanted to use my offenders to develop humility and self-examination in my life. He wanted to help me learn to show gentleness and deference to others.

5. I acknowledged that I had wronged God far more than my offenders had wronged me. I asked God to forgive me for my anger, bitterness, and lack of love. I forgave my offenders, and purposed to pray for them.

     The key to overcoming bitterness in my life was to view my offenders as simply an instrument under the control of God who loves me. When I looked at things this way, I could no longer be bitter toward my offenders. I realized that God wanted to use them to prepare me to be useful for His Kingdom in the future.

On a separate sheet of paper, follow these two steps:

• List the people who have offended you.
• List specifically what they did and how that made you feel.

• Think about God’s forgiveness to you. Matthew 18:33
• Specifically forgive each person before God in prayer. Colossians 3:13

• Ask the Lord for healing.
• Be sure you have a clear conscience – ask for forgiveness if needed.
• Look for ways to show love toward those people. See Matthew 5:44
• If God is calling you, share with them how they offended you. Demonstrate love and forgiveness – pick an appropriate time – seek to restore the relationship. “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.” — Galatians 6:1

• Hebrews 12:15
• Isaiah 43:2

     Christina had a best friend whom she trusted with the secrets of her heart. She and Erin spent tons of time together. They would be "friends forever".
     Then one day a new girl came to church -- one who wore the latest styles and always seemed to know what to do. "She makes me nervous," Christina confided in Erin. "I feel fat and ugly when I'm around her."
     Next thing Christina knew, she was standing alone while Erin chatted with the new girl. For the next few weeks, Christina felt ignored and hurt. "Why don't you talk to me anymore?" she asked Erin one Sunday.
     "Don't be jealous," Erin giggled, rolling her eyes like the new girl did.
     The new girl walked up behind her and smiled condescendingly at Christina. "So -- I make you feel fat and ugly," she said in a mocking voice.
     What should Christina do?
     Have you ever faced a similar situation? What did you do? What should you have done?

The End of the World?
By Lisa Bode

     The principle of suffering was illustrated in my life several years ago, when my family moved from Colorado to Virginia. It was hard leaving my home, friends, relatives, the West, and everything else familiar to me. It was even harder coming to a place where I did not know anyone or anything! At first I resented the move and the suffering that came with it. My own desires were so important to me that I lost sight of what God’s desires were. My focus was on temporal things, and when I lost some of them, I responded with ungratefulness to God.
     What I did not realize was that God wanted to use our move to teach me so much and to deepen my relationship with Him. He had perfectly designed every difficult aspect of the situation for my personal growth. He wanted to get my focus on the eternal. “If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God.” – Colossians 3:1.
     His will had taken me to Virginia, but at first I did not want to be there! I became depressed, and because I resisted God’s work and the suffering it included, I stopped growing spiritually and could not give encouragement to others.
     God has a perfect goal in mind for each of us, and He wanted to perfect me by taking me through suffering. “till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ”. – Ephesians 4:13.
     When I began to grasp what His eternal purpose was, I realized how much I had missed by having the wrong attitude. I realized that God loves me so much that He puts every person and every circumstance in my life for a good purpose. When I accept all that He gives me, I grow.
     As I began to accept the suffering and focus on the character that God wanted me to learn, I grew an amazing amount. I learned to be grateful for all that God had given and to yield my desires to Him, knowing that His desires were better because He is far wiser. Even when I could not foresee the outcome of some of the difficult situations I faced after our move, I started to thank God for them, because I knew He had an ultimate purpose of teaching me contentment. “Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name.” – Hebrews 13:15.
     When I finally responded correctly to the suffering in my life, and tried to view our move from God's perspective, I learned so much. God knew that our move was just what I needed for my spiritual growth, and by accepting it I could move forward in His will.
     Each time I have to suffer, I face the choice of either rejecting it and becoming bitter, or accepting it and exercising forgiveness and genuine love. This is God’s pruning in my life. For me to bear eternal fruit of good works, I need to be pruned from time to time. This feels painful, but it is necessary for my growth. I must sense God’s heart of love that is behind it and have the faith to realize it is for my ultimate good. “…every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.… As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.” – John 15:2b, 9.
     Sometimes my suffering is a big, hurtful situation that I feel for a long period of time. Other times my suffering is simply small irritations that happen every day. In each of these I have the choice of becoming angry and bitter and damaging relationships, or of overlooking an offense and developing Christ’s character.
     Anyone who is bitter against others and who has rejected suffering as God’s loving work can no longer grow spiritually, because we have rejected the work of God in our lives. That is why responding correctly to suffering has such amazing results of spiritual maturity. “For whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives.” – Hebrews 12:6.

     Three years later: I look back on the six months following our move as a very difficult time in my life when I sometimes felt that the world was coming to an end! But now looking back, I see that the Lord was giving me a new beginning. Not only did He use my time of suffering to teach me and mature me a tremendous amount, but He also opened the way to new opportunities I may never have had in Colorado.
     His plan is really much higher than ours! In the middle of suffering, I longed to change it -- to have anything but that! Yet now on the other side, as I look back and see God's hand, I would not change a thing.